Hello! Welcome to yet another edition of La Basura Mañanera! The series where I carefully explain, and add a heavy dose of one-sidedness, to the news reports that have shocked Mexico in an undefined timespan because that’s just how I roll.
Here’s what you need to know today:
Ah, the reason why Mexico’s drunk uncle is once again making headlines is because he’s probably gotten into heaps of trouble, as one of his closest buddies was arrested in Texas in connection to drug trafficking and corruption.
Yes, none other than Genaro Garcia Luna, Mexico’s top law enforcement official during Calderon’s presidency, and the architect of the Mexican drug wars was arrested near Dallas, TX today, and was connected in an spectacular fashion to the investigations into Joaquin Guzman.
Garcia Luna joined Calderon’s administration at the ripe age of 32 as the secretary of public security... he had been in law enforcement since the age of 18, trained in the United States, and served multiple roles in the Federal Police.
Unlike other cabinet members in Calderon’s administration, Garcia Luna survived all six years unscathed, and moved to Miami immediately after Calderon stepped down. Not surprisingly, he’s accused of receiving multimillion dollar bribes and helping the Sinaloa cartel smuggle tons of drugs into the United States.
Calderon, who is usually a twitter happy background character, stayed silent all day today, and the repercussions to other cabinet members of his administration and himself are still unknown.
Unsurprisingly, eight hours after the arrest was made public, Mexico’s own Attorney General claimed that Garcia Luna was also under investigation in his home country... but that seems far fetched at best.
A group of self described peasants charged into Bellas Artes to interrupt a gallery commemorating one of Mexico’s most loved historical characters: Emiliano Zapata: the leader of the southern revolutionary movement in Mexico, and also... possibly... a bisexual person.
How much do we like Zapata? Well, we made 2019 “Year of the southern Chieftain”, and it’s obnoxiously written on the header of every official document Lopez Obrador’s government has published. I add that Zapata was possibly gay, because some memoirs from the time claimed he had an affair with... omg.... Ignacio de la Torre, who was Porfirio Diaz’ son in law.
This love for Zapata, along with a large dose of homophobia, supposedly lead these peasants to the gallery; demanding to tear down this image of a “feminized” Zapata riding a horse with a huge dong.
Zapata’s own family regarded this recreation of the revolutionary figure as insulting and threatened to sue Bellas Artes... which is fun.
What isn’t fun is that Mexico City’s LGBT community was also there to tell the peasants to go away, and like everything in this fucking country, it turned violent; and now twitter is filled with pictures of Bellas Artes’s floor covered in blood, and of course, this image of Zapata riding a very excited horse.
Personally, I think the revolver shaped high heels are excellent.
Mexico’s ambassador to Argentina, Oscar Recio Becerra, was caught in a sticky situation. The Mexican diplomat, who has served across party lines for decades, stole a nine dollar copy of Giacomo Casanova’s biography in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Mexico’s Secretary of Foreign Affairs and Lopez Obrador personal firefighter Marcelo Ebrard had him recalled, just for his entire political party to defend Ambassador Recio... Ultimately it’s unlikely he will be punished for the act.
As Argentina welcomes a new President, who Obrador personally likes, I imagine this will go unnoticed... Oh, talking about the other President...
4. Gone with the wind, or more likely Cubana de Aviacion
Mexico’s latest political refugee, and someone who has never had a bad hair day, Evo Morales, left Mexico last week, opting to stay in Cuba until Argentina’s new President was sworn in.
Some sources claim that Bolivia’s former President,who likely committed electoral fraud, is only on a temporary trip to Cuba, and that he’d return to Mexico eventually. But I imagine he’s grown tired of being paraded around by Lopez Obrador; who has treated Evo like a freshly groomed toy poodle ever since he arrived in Mexico a few weeks ago.
5. Mitch McWon’t
The Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, said he would not let the Senate vote on the bipartisan update of the NAFTA, now renamed USMCA because naming things is important, until the Senate tackles the trial of Donald Trump.
Ivanka Trump celebrated today’s signing ceremony in Mexico City ( her husband attended) with a tweet saying “Are you tired of winning yet?”
Not to see too anti-Republican, good-ol Mitch made sure to make absolutely everyone angry by also delaying the Senate trial of Donald Trump until 2020 which is kind of stupid because we all know Trump stands to survive that trial.